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Maintaining your sex life in a long distance relationship can be a bit tricky, but there are many long distance relationship sex ideas out there to keep the spark alive. Thanks to video messaging and endless pleasure devices, you don’t’ necessarily need to go through dry spells when separated from your long distance partner.

Each relationship will of course be different when it comes to the role that sex will play, with some considering sex a major factor while others deem it as just another component of their bond. We’ve put together a helpful guide that explores the role sex plays in a long distance relationship.

We’ll cover how to be safe and responsible, navigate the world of sexting and phone/computer sex, how you can feed your urge for sex when apart, and how the use of pornography can affect your long distance relationship.

The Ultimate Guide to Long Distance Relationship Sex with Helpful Tips and Secrets

There are many questions that you need to not only ask yourself when it comes to sex, but having a discussion about it with your partner is equally important. Talking about sex is not exactly romantic and may not set the mood, but it is very important with any relationship.

Do you both wish to wait for marriage or is that not important to you? Have you agreed to be monogamous in your long distance relationship or are you happy for it to be more open? It is important to discuss how important having sex is to both of you and how you plan to work around the long distance where you aren’t physically together for long periods.

We tend to take sex very lightly in today’s society, but there are real consequences that can impact the rest of your life. This becomes even more apparent when it comes to long distance relationships.

When it comes to sex, there are no set rules you need to follow so long as you are both considered adults in the eyes of the law, both parties are consenting, and both parties are honest with each other. Each person will have a different set of beliefs when it comes to sex and you should both be able to express yourself and your views freely. You do, however, need to make sure your views on sex are known by your partner so as you can decide if this will be an issue that needs to be addressed in your relationship.

Safety and Being Responsible

Safe sex should be practiced with any partner whether they live next door or halfway around the world. Until you can be certain your partner does not have an STI and is not sleeping with other partners, using a condom should be a requirement for having sex. This is true whether you are engaging in vaginal, oral, or anal sex. An STI can affect your health in many ways which may include chronic severe pain and even death. It may also affect your ability to reproduce or cause birth defects in any children you may have in the future.

You have a moral responsibility to let your partner know if you have ever been exposed to an STI before performing any sexual acts with them. Do not feel it is wrong to ask that your partner get tested for an STI. Anyone that truly has respect for you will agree to your request. You should rethink any relationship where one person doesn’t believe practicing safe sex is important or makes excuses as to why they would prefer not to use protection such as condoms.

When it comes to condoms, it is important to check that they haven’t expired and using a water based lubricant will help prevent the condom from breaking or tearing. Women should feel comfortable carrying condoms themselves in case their male partner doesn’t have one and it is more than acceptable to demand he wear one.

In addition to aiding in the prevention of STIs, condoms along with the use of birth control can help stop unwanted pregnancies. Unplanned pregnancies can bring hardship to any relationship but especially so with long distance relationships. For many, an unplanned pregnancy may force a relationship to progress more quickly or create a stronger bond. If you live near each other, moving in together or going through the pregnancy and raising the child together is much easier than if you were separated by long distance.

When you are separated by long distance, being together may require great sacrifice or may not even be an option. You may be forced to quit a career or schooling to move closer to your long distance partner. In cases of international long distance relationships, you may find that immigration issues could prevent you from permanently relocating to where your partner is.

When it comes to traveling internationally, it is extremely important to be aware that different countries have different laws about matters of sex and sexuality. If the two of you are young or you are dating someone who is on the cusp of adulthood, it is important to understand the relevant age of consent laws which dictate when a person is legally allowed to agree to sex. A minor may be defined by different ages depending on what state or country you are in. You need to be aware that engaging in a sexual act with a minor could have severe consequences for both parties.

If traveling to strict Muslim countries like the United Arab Emirates, it’s important to note there may be different laws regarding how couples are expected to act. Public displays of affection like holding hands or kissing are considered an offence to public decency. Along with prohibiting public displays of affection, dancing in public may also be considered indecent, especially if it is deemed to be sexually inappropriate.

Unmarried couples may not be permitted to live together or share a hotel room. The code of conduct also sets out styles of dress that are deemed acceptable. In public places such as streets, shopping malls, and restaurants, shorts and skirts need to be of appropriate length and clothing shall not indecently expose parts of the body. It is very important to always make sure your behavior is always culturally sensitive.

Same-sex couples must realize that not all countries have LGBT rights and having sex with a person of the same sex may be labelled as illegal depending on where you are. Likewise, sex outside of marriage and adultery may be punishable by law in certain countries, so you must research the relevant laws regarding sex and relationships if your long distance relationship involves dating someone from a different country or if you are travelling with your partner to a different country with strict laws.

Sexting, Phone Sex, and Computer Sex

There was a time when long distance relationships had to resort to sending erotic letters or phone sex if they wanted to achieve some form of sexual intimacy while apart. Today, however, we have all sorts of way we can quickly and easily communicate our sexual thoughts and fantasies with our long distance partners. Video calling allows us to connect visually and offers an obvious advantage when it comes to “having sex” with your partner when you are apart.

It should be noted that not all long distance relationships will need to engage in phone or internet sex for the relationship to be successful. You should never compare your relationship to anyone else’s and you should feel comfortable if sex isn’t as much of an important issue as it may be for others.

Although things like sexting and internet sex don’t carry the risks of STIs or pregnancy, there are still risks involved. Whenever you send sexually explicit messages and photos or even talk dirty, you open yourself up to having that information made public. Messages can be shared with friends, photos can be saved and stored, and phone calls can be recorded. We would like to think we will always be able to trust our partners but the fact is relationships do break down and sadly things can turn sour. By sending nude photos to a partner, you have to realize that they could one day be made public.

Revenge porn can sadly be used as a way of trying to “get back” at a partner when a relationship ends or may be used to blackmail a partner into staying in a relationship. It would be wonderful to say that internet sex is all just a bit of innocent fun, and for most it will be just that, but you do need to outweigh whether the risks are worth it and whether you fully trust your partner enough to keep sexually explicit exchanges private.

Couples in a long distance relationship who are either married or have been together for quite some time may have to worry less about revenge porn than couples just beginning a long distance relationship, but it can occur with any relationship despite how much history you have.

If you fully feel you can trust your partner or don’t mind the risk, you will find there are many ways to stay sexually connected even when distance separates you both. There is no shortage of technology and products which have been created specifically for couples who find themselves frequently apart.

It is important for couples to feel out each other’s comfort level when it comes to engaging in phone or internet sex and you should never feel pressured into something you are uncomfortable with. From an emotional aspect, sex is sex whether it involves physical contact, the use of a laptop, or a phone.

As for some of the ways you can spice things up, sex toys can now be synced so that you can get an almost virtual sexual encounter with each other over the web. You can even make a replica of each other’s private parts complete with electronic vibration inserts for a more personalized touch.  For those feeling shy to flash their bits over a webcam or phone camera, you can use your way with words to keep the sexual passion alive. Sending sexual texts or writing sexual emails can express your sexual desire for your partner without having to send explicit visuals.

For those that have more traditional or conservative views regarding sex, you may simply wish to wait until you actually meet up to do the deed. Many couples find that waiting to enjoy the real thing is far more enjoyable and makes for a more memorable experience when they actually have sex together.

Sex becomes more of a big event rather than a habit, and although you would think that couples in long distance relationships have less sex, they may actually have the same if not more sex than traditional couples. The fact is that absence tends to make the longing for each other stronger. Couples in long distance relationships often find they look forward to sex to a larger degree than couples who might see each other constantly.

When you meet up with your long distance partner you may also have a tendency to make up for lost time so to speak. Sex simply becomes more condensed instead of spaced out evenly. Think of it in terms of if we were to celebrate Valentine’s Day every few weeks as opposed to once a year, the holiday would become more habitual and lose a bit of its flare. Sex for long distance partners becomes somewhat of a special occasion or holiday to look forward to and therefore can become more passionate and special.

Feeding Your Urge for Sex

So just how long can we go without having sex? We of course need sex for the survival of the human species, but on an individual basis it isn’t so much a necessity on the same level as needing air or water. That is not to say that sex isn’t important, as it has many benefits for retaining a healthy body and mind.  Like most things, it is important to adopt a moderate and balanced approach, as going overboard has the potential to harm your relationship.

While there will always be exceptions, studies have shown that on average males have a stronger sex drive than females. On average, men tend to think about sex more often, masturbate more, and seek out sex much more than women do. Women have been found to be able to put sex on the back burner whereas men tend to not last very long (no pun intended) when it comes to not needing sexual gratification or committing to chastity.

So what are the benefits of sex? It has been shown that your immune system is boosted by having regular sex, although this may be due to the fact that when you are having sex you tend to be more active, eat better, are happier, and get more quality sleep. For women, sex can improve bladder control as orgasms strengthen the pelvic floor muscles.

Sex is exercise and therefore good for your heart as well as a good way to keep estrogen and testosterone levels in check. Sex can also act as a kind of aspirin which may ease aches and pains including headaches. Both sex and simply cuddling without actual sexual acts has been proven to minimize stress and anxiety.

So how much sex should you be having and how much sex is too much? There isn’t really a definitive amount of sex that is considered to be unhealthy so long as it doesn’t negatively impact your day to day life. If sex begins to consume your every thought, you notice adverse health side effects, or it begins to interfere with your job or hobbies, then it may be time to see if you have reached the level of addiction. This goes for long distance couples as much as it does for traditional relationships, as even phone or internet sex can become an addiction.

Masturbating in-between the time you and your long distance partner meet up can be a healthy way for you both to get your sex fix. Masturbation is both healthy and normal and something that is quite common in the animal world.

Many people either for religious reasons or other outside teachings may feel a sense of guilt for masturbating, but it is not immoral and should not be viewed as a shameful act. There are very few if any harmful side effects to masturbating, so long as it doesn’t become a chronic activity which keeps you from completing important tasks or significantly alters your schedule.

Masturbation can provide healthy side effects such as lowering men’s risk for prostate cancer and can help prevent cervical infections as well as relieve urinary tract infections in women. In addition to the physical health benefits, masturbating can be a way to explore your own body and find out what actions sexually please you which you can then communicate to your partner for a more satisfying sex life.

Couples may find that masturbating also has the benefit of increasing their sex drive and might prove to be an ideal way for couples in a long distance relationship to stay faithful to each other while acknowledging their urges.

Use of Pornography in a Long Distance Relationship

Although masturbation may be healthy, keep in mind that viewing pornography may have the potential to damage your relationship. While some couples find it may spice up their love life, others find it has just the opposite effect, especially when the use of pornography becomes excessive or does not align with your partner’s moral values.

The biggest problem with pornography is that it is not a real depiction of what sex between a loving couple truly is. Most often, highly attractive female and male models are shown engaging in numerous uncommon sexual acts in a glorified setting. Watching sexual acts such as this can give couples an unrealistic idea of what sex is supposed to be like. It takes a team of people to create just the right lighting and multiple takes along with hours of editing to create a short pornography clip.

And it’s important to remember that the porn stars used in films are simply playing up for the camera and don’t have intimate feelings towards the person they are having sex with. You often find that women are forced to perform degrading acts in pornography and sex can be more forceful than it should ever be. You can find every sexual position and fantasy readily available for your viewing, but you must remember that the majority of people will not be comfortable with most of what is shown in pornographic material.

You may find that the more you use pornography as a tool to become aroused, the less aroused you will become simply from being with your partner beneath the sheets. Seeing models with flawless bodies and perfectly groomed genitals will give us the false impression that our partners too should be flawless all the time.

You may begin to see sex as less of a loving bonding exercise between you and your partner and more of a selfish way to experience something you have seen while viewing pornography. You may find that your partner will begin to develop self esteem issues from feeling inadequate to living up to your unrealistic sexual desires caused from pornographic viewing.

If couples do use pornography as a tool to enhance their love life, it should be something they do together so as they can get an idea of how each other feels about certain sexual acts. You will quickly learn what each other’s comfort level is so you can enjoy a healthy sex life together. If your partner finds something is demeaning or a bit too much, you will know that this should not be an expectation and will save you both from an awkward or unsafe situation.

Check out our Best-Selling eBook:

The Ultimate How To Guide on Surviving Long Distance Love”

 

 

Meg and Mike Jerrard are the Long Distance Relationship experts, and authors of best selling book ‘The Ultimate How To Guide on Surviving Long Distance Love‘. An American and an Australian who met in Tanzania, Africa, they have since closed the distance and now help others on their LDR journey too.

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