Long Distance Relationships are definitely not easy. Growing and maintaining a connection with your long distance partner takes effort, patience, and often a little luck. After having endured a long distance relationship for over three years, my long distance partner and I finally managed to get married and have now lived together permanently for over seven years.
We often get asked by people including long distance couples many questions regarding how long distance relationships work and how we managed to survive our long distance relationship. We decided to share some of the most commonly asked questions about long distance relationships to hopefully help you answer some of the questions you may have about your own personal LDR relationship.
Long Distance Relationships Most Frequently Asked Questions
My long distance partner and I published a blog post in 2013 on Maintaining a Long Distance Relationship. The article highlighted the journey we went through to make our relationship a success. That post has gone on to become the most popular article on our website and we continually receive comments and questions from people seeking more helpful advice.
We also receive a large volume of emails from those in long distance relationships asking for advice on their individual situations, and we’re always happy to help out where we can. We have created a Facebook community “Long Distance Relationships: Advice & Support Group” that offers a direct line where you can ask us anything.
We have also written a book on Long Distance Relationships titled: Long Distance Relationships: The How To Guide on Surviving Long Distance Love which goes into great detail about the many stages of a long distance relationship and what you can expect.
The following questions are ones we are asked most frequently about long distance relationships. We hope the answers to some of these questions may be able to help with your own situation, otherwise feel free to reach out to us if you have questions of your own.
I’m contemplating a long distance relationship. What did you consider before going ahead with yours when it came to things like finances, how you would communicate, and how you would stay committed to each other?
Financially, it definitely helps to have the means to see each other as frequently as you can. Mike and I tried to see each other every 3-4 months and we would often meet up in-between our two countries (Australia and America). We used this as an excuse to take a vacation and meet up with each other at the same time. We were both working two jobs to make that a financial possibility.
In terms of communication, this is often the key component to whether or not your relationship will be successful. We committed to speaking every day, however, some people with demanding jobs or who find themselves in other restrictive situations may not be able to make that same level of commitment.
I would recommend making your best effort to schedule a decent amount of time to talk at least every couple of days if you can or as much as your schedule permits. You need to find a routine that works for both of your schedules and lives.
Commitment wise, we found it helpful to make our relationship official rather quickly as it allowed us to feel as though we had an official commitment to each other. Long distance relationships are stressful, so making some kind of pact that you are both serious about it can go a long way to make you get through the tough times. Without some kind of commitment, it can be easy to simply call it quits and move on to something that is easier.
We are currently facing the “who moves” situation in our Long Distance Relationship. We are stuck and just don’t know how to make a decision, any suggestions?
The “who moves” scenario is always a tough one. If you know in your gut that this is the person you truly want to spend the rest of your life with, you can make any move you decide to make work out.
If you’ve gotten to the stage of your LDR where you’re now thinking about a move, your relationship should be strong enough to endure any location you decide on. We recommend making the leap of faith to move to be together. Settling into a different state or country takes time to adjust, but it’s always worth it to be with the love of your life.
We both try and live by the motto that the only things in life we regret are the things we didn’t do. Even if you make a move and it doesn’t work out, you will never have to wonder “what if” and you can’t say you didn’t give it your all.
A good idea would be to write up a list of possible options for when, how, and who could move and go from there. It is often much less overwhelming when you have a physical piece of paper with options that you can look.
Our work schedules are crazy, so my LDR partner and I don’t get to talk much. Some days we don’t get to talk at all and these days can be really difficult.
We totally understand the stresses that come from a hectic work schedule and maintaining a LDR. Our advice would be to try and schedule times to talk to each other, such as blocking time out in each of your calendars just as you would for a date. This may be difficult, but pre-arranging time to talk together gives you something to look forward to and may force you to commit to continual communication. If you really have no time to talk at all, really try and keep it alive with texts or perhaps emails. This will allow you both to communicate back and forth when you each individually get the chance.
My long distance partner and I still have not physically met. I am beginning to feel that I am losing the motivation to continue with the relationship. Should I push my partner to have us meet in person?
Although you can definitely spark up a quality relationship without physically meeting someone, it is important to eventually connect face to face. A connection that solely exists online may not always carry over to the real world.
We often hear about long distance couples who after meeting for the first time realized they didn’t have the same connection they had hoped for. You definitely don’t want to invest a great deal of time or energy in a relationship you are uncertain about. If you feel you need to meet your partner in person in order for you to be certain it is something you wish to pursue, then you should definitely express that to your long distance partner.
If your partner really has feelings for you, they should want to meet you just as much as you want to meet them. I wouldn’t say you should push or force your partner to meet you, but let them know you think it is important and agree to a time to meet that is suitable for both of you.
It can be hard to maintain the enthusiasm for a long distance relationship when you haven’t yet met your partner in person, therefore you shouldn’t be afraid to try and keep it alive by meeting up. Meeting may provide you both with the answers you need to decide whether you want to continue with the relationship or move on.
Can you give me any advice on dealing with doubts and facing the unknown in a long distance relationship?
The biggest piece of advice we can give is to not over think things or force anything. You want your long distance relationship to develop naturally just as it would a normal relationship. Long distance relationships are often very difficult, so don’t try to seek all the answers right away.
Part of the excitement of relationships is not knowing where they may lead. Life is a long time; don’t think you need to figure everything out at a young age. If your long distance relationship does in fact break down, simply learn from it and move on. Eventually you will find the person that is a better match for you when the time is right.
Too many people try to control the unknown and this only prevents you from living in the moment. Learn to accept that there will be many unknowns and adapt a positive attitude to pull you through difficult times. The more pessimistic you are, the more likely your relationship is to fail. Try to always remain positive while also setting realistic expectations at the same time.
Was the process of immigrating to a new country for your LDR partner a stressful or extremely difficult process? What can I expect?
The process of immigrating to a new country will be different for each unique situation depending on what country you are immigrating to as well as what country you are currently a citizen of. There are a number of factors that will dictate how difficult or stressful your own experience will be. Your past criminal history, medical history, finances, and even the length of your relationship will all factor into whether you will be allowed to immigrate and how quickly.
You should be prepared to be patient throughout the process since almost all countries have made the process more involved over the years. The key is to be honest and thorough in regards to your application. We managed to successfully file all of our paperwork without the help of an immigration lawyer. It was still quite stressful in terms of the length of time the whole process took and it was difficult not knowing when everything would be finalized.
You are often left in the dark and must try to keep a positive outlook. As long as you plan everything out and do your homework, you should be alright. You need to realize, however, that immigrating to a new country does require work and is never a certainty.
I want to meet my long distance partner but I have never traveled far from home before. I am afraid to fly and we are separated by a very long flight. How can I overcome this fear?
Long distance relationships often require you to go well outside of your comfort zone. At some stage you will have to meet each other if there is going to be a future for you both. If your partner is able and willing to travel to you first, this is probably your best option in order to make sure the relationship is really something you want to pursue.
You might also consider your partner flying to you, where they can see how you live, and then both of you can fly together to see where and how they live. Having your partner beside you may help to ease the anxiety of flying and keep your mind preoccupied.
Alternatively, you could ask a close family member or friend to travel with you to meet your partner. This allows you support while flying and during your visit. If the meeting between you and your partner goes poorly, you will still have someone there for you which could also be smart in terms of safety. Even if your long distance relationship doesn’t pan out in the real world, you and your traveling companion can still enjoy a holiday together.
My adult kids are very much against my long distance relationship, as they feel that it was the reason for me divorcing their father. What should I do?
Without knowing the specifics regarding how your marriage to their father ended in divorce, it is rather difficult to understand why they may feel this way. Whatever the reason was that made you leave your children’s father, you obviously made the choice because you weren’t happy with the relationship you both shared.
Moving forward, your biggest priority should be your own happiness and focusing on your new long distance relationship. If your kids are adults and are now independent, they should be focusing on their own lives. You should of course be considerate of their feelings and be open to answering any questions they may have. If you give them space and time, they may eventually come to accept your new relationship.
I think the biggest thing would be to not force your new relationship on your children. Let them decide when they are ready to meet your new partner and try to understand from their perspective why they may be upset. Most importantly, never try to interfere with their relationship with their father. Don’t force them to take sides and try to be respectful towards your ex-husband.
My long distance partner tells me my romantic gestures are childish. I have sent him old fashioned love letters and small thoughtful gifts but he doesn’t seem to like or appreciate any of it. Am I doing something wrong?
Everyone is going to have different personalities but it is important for you to stay true to who you are. You shouldn’t need to hold back on expressing your love for your partner or the ways you wish to do that.
You need to have a discussion with your partner to find out the real reason he doesn’t like your gestures. Maybe he is embarrassed that you are putting in more effort than he is able to or knows how to do. Often men like to be the ones to sweep women off their feet, so it may be just a case of him feeling emasculated.
If he simply just doesn’t like or appreciate your thoughtfulness, you should ask yourself whether he is the right person for you.
My long distance partner and I are engaged, though we haven’t met yet. We love and trust each other, but my friends ask me how I can really know him without having met him.
We recommend you get to know him properly before rushing into anything. You may feel as though you really know someone before actually meeting them, but you need to spend time with them in person to know if you both are actually compatible. A person’s persona can be completely different in person to the one they portray online. It is impossible for you to gauge how you will act together as a couple without having spent time with each other.
This is not to say that your relationship won’t work out, but you may want to slow things down a bit. It would have been wise for you both to meet before rushing into an engagement. You need to be 100% certain before committing to someone for the rest of your life. Being 100% certain about someone you have not physically met seems like it would be a very difficult task.
Do you have any advice for young adults maintaining a long distance relationship when it comes to travel, school, and currently living with your parents?
Maintaining a long distance relationship when you’re young can be quite difficult. You may find it difficult to continually meet with your partner since younger individuals don’t always have the finances to do so. It may also be hard to find the available time to travel if you are still in school. If you are still in school, we recommend you focus your attention on your studies and future. You are at a stage where you are finding out who you really are and what you want out of life.
Trying to maintain any relationship when you are still living with your parents can be difficult since you are often bound by the rules of the house. By all means keep communicating with your long distance partner but realize that you are both most likely going to see a lot of changes happening in your lives during this period, assuming you are of similar age.
Don’t be in a hurry to make things official and allow yourself to grow into the person you have the potential to be. If your relationship proves to last until you are both finished with school and you have become truly independent of your parents, it is a very good sign that your relationship is both genuine and able to endure hardship. Young love often works out but the key is to be patient and allow it to take a backseat to creating a life for your individual self first.
My LDR partner seems to be less certain than I am that our long distance relationship will ultimately succeed. How do I boost her confidence that we can make things work?
Continually let her know that you are fully invested in making the relationship work. Try not to overwhelm her with discussions that involve your future together as it may only create anxiety for her. The more we try and think about things like marriage, relocating, changing jobs, selling houses, and having kids, the more we may believe that the whole situation is too much too handle or too difficult to figure out.
Try to take each day as it comes and simply try to have fun with your partner. The specifics of your future will eventually fall into place, but the important thing for now is to simply focus on getting to know each other and making your time together enjoyable.
Be open to answering any questions she may have along the way and be willing to give here space to think through things herself. If you truly love her, you won’t force her into anything she is uncomfortable with. If she does decide that the relationship is too much for her to handle right now, don’t completely write the relationship off.
Give your partner a bit of space to allow her to decide if the relationship is indeed something she wants to fight for or if she would like to break it off. If you both do decide to take a break or end the relationship, don’t be afraid to move on yourself. Explore other options that may be more suitable to your needs instead of simply waiting around for your partner to possibly change her mind.
My LDR partner’s parents are really against our long distance relationship. We have been together for a long time now and have plans to one day get married. I don’t want to be the reason my partner loses his family. What should I do?
Whether or not your partner decides to stay with you or listens to the advice of his parents is a decision that he needs to make. You should have a conversation with him that explains you understand what a difficult decision it is and that you don’t want to be the reason he has a falling out with his family.
If he decides to choose you over his family, you should never feel guilty as long as you allowed him to make the decision without any pressure. You need to have a very honest conversation that explains you don’t want to find yourself in a situation where he blames you for his decision down the road.
The best case scenario is that your partner’s parents will eventually come around to accepting you and the relationship. Parents can often be overly protective of their children and simply want to assure a wonderful life for them. Continue to be respectful and courteous towards your partner’s parents so they don’t have any excuse to dislike you.
The only person you really need to care about you is your partner. As long as he is certain of your relationship together and will fight for what you both have, then you will be fine.
Many of my friends and family have been negative about my long distance relationship. What can I do to make them understand and show support?
The biggest advice we can give you for dealing with the negativity from family and friends is to make a promise to yourself to not to let it affect you. Don’t allow negative energy to sabotage your relationship. It will be difficult at first, but know that it will get easier over time. As your relationship progresses, your friends and family will eventually get used to the idea and the negative remarks should start to die down.
Chances are your partner is dealing with same negativity as well. Have a discussion about it so as you may be able to support each other. Seek out the friends or family members that do support you and ones that don’t judge what you are doing.
Often people show negativity when they don’t understand the situation. They may also be against your relationship because they care about you and because they think they are promoting what is best for you. Let them know you appreciate their concern, but make it clear that you know this relationship is what is right for you.
Although it would be ideal to eventually gain their support, you ultimately don’t need it in order for your relationship to succeed. As long as you and your partner believe in your relationship, you can be certain it will work out. Don’t ever feel like you have to defend your relationship. Simply live your life and let your friends and family accept it if they want to.
Of course you should always be open to the thoughts and concerns of your family in case they can see something that isn’t as apparent to you. Respect what they have to say, but ultimately know it is up to you to decide what you want in life.
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