Jealousy can come in many forms when it comes to relationships and long distance relationships are definitely not immune to it. Whether it’s seeing your long distance partner posing with other people in pictures posted to social media or hearing about their recent accomplishments at work, there are many instances where jealousy can easily sneak its way into your relationship.
Because it may not always be easy to communicate with a long distance partner whenever you wish to, jealousy can build up and fester due to the inability to talk it through with your partner and resolve any issues. One of the major reasons jealousy plays a role in long distance relationships is that you invest a lot in a long distance relationship and don’t want something or someone to put your relationships at risk.
You often think that because of the distance, your partner may be more likely to cheat or end your relationships should their circumstances change significantly. Let us talk through jealousy in long distance relationships and ways you can deal with it and possibly overcome it.
Dealing with Jealousy in Long Distance Relationships
When we talk relationships, we often associate jealousy with the feeling or suspicion that your partner is attracted to or involved with another person. Although this may be the most common form of jealousy in a relationship, it can also define itself as feeling resentment for your partner’s achievements or opportunities that they are presented with.
Just as we may feel threatened by another person stealing our partner away from us, we too can feel threatened that opportunities presented to our long distance partner may threaten the relationship. A promotion, assignment, or travel opportunity awarded or offered to your partner may mean that they become more preoccupied and may not write or call as often. You may begin to feel a false sense that you are putting more effort into the relationship than your partner is, which could cause you to develop resentment towards him or her.
You must remember that your partner is an individual and you should not wish they limit their growth or success simply in fear of losing the relationship. You often see this happening when one person in a relationship becomes famous or achieves a higher status. You may begin to feel as though you are unworthy of your partner’s love or that they are the star of the relationship and therefore the one that is in control.
Although success has been known to change people, for most people it won’t actually change how they feel about their relationship. Many times people look to be successful in order to please their partners more than themselves. And it’s important to remember that a relationship will see times where both individuals will experience achievement highs at different points in their life.
Very seldom will they coincide with one another, therefore it is important to be supportive of your partner in times of their success and they will hopefully return the gesture when it’s your turn. Remember that a relationship consists of two individuals, each who will have their own strengths and bring something special to the relationship.
It is very easy for couples in a long distance relationship to experience jealousy in the form of suspecting infidelity. Because we are almost programmed to think long distance relationships are too difficult or seldom work out, we have the tendency to sometimes overthink things and may seek out signs that our partner is being unfaithful when the signs aren’t actually there.
Being separated by a great distance from your partner can make it easy for you to believe they would be more willing to cheat as it would be harder for them to get caught. This kind of negative thinking can be quite toxic to your relationship because you almost expect to find out your partner was cheating.
You may actively search their profiles and overanalyze their every word or action in order to find proof that will confirm your suspicions. In short, your lack of trust can sabotage any hope you had of building a close connection with your partner.
The reality is that partners involved in long distance relationships are no more likely to be unfaithful than in any other relationship. It is important to never jump to conclusions until you know for sure that your partner has strayed from the relationship. Don’t be afraid to confront your partner if you believe they have been unfaithful, but make certain your mind isn’t just playing tricks on you.
We can quite easily create a false story in our minds by having a wild imagination along with filling in gaps where information doesn’t exist. A simple catch-up dinner between our long distance partner and an old friend can easily be misconstrued as them having an affair. We have been subjected to far too many movies and books which place wild and crazy ideas in our heads. If you are finding that this is a constant problem with your relationship, it may be time to reassess whether you can work through your trust issues or if it’s worth moving on.
If you decide that your partner is cheating without discussing your concerns with them first, you begin to resent them and may pull away from the relationship when they in fact might not have been unfaithful. In extreme cases you may even try to get revenge by deciding to cheat on your partner in retaliation. You may find out that your contaminated thoughts and incorrect accusations for your partner have led you to be the one that destroys your relationship.
It is important to remember that your partner likely had previous relationships and friends long before you came into the picture. It is not reasonable for you to expect them to cease all innocent relationships once you become involved with them. Many couples realize they are better off being just friends and have amicable breakups in which they develop a long lasting plutonic relationship.
It is important for your partner to have these kind of relationships as it gives them close friends which whom they can confide in aside from you to discuss issues. You and your partner need others outside of your relationship that you can talk to. It is often our friends and family who give us the advice we need to maintain a healthy relationship and lifestyle.
That being said, it is also important for people to sympathize with partners who may seem to be a little overjealous, as they may have a history of unfaithful partners in the past which has led them to be overly suspicious or untrusting. Have a discussion with your partner to see if there is something about their past experiences that is creating the jealousy and mistrust. By talking with them, you may be able to alleviate their worries and help them overcome their jealousy.
We must realize that most people in relationships are genuine and have every intention of remaining faithful to their partners. By openly communicating and building trust, jealousy will hopefully not play an active role in your relationship. You must always be aware, however, that cheating can happen and you want to be aware of common signs that may signal your partner is being unfaithful, especially if you are sexually active with your partner as you don’t want to risk catching an STI.
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