There’s no denying the fact that the dating game has vastly changed since the advent of the internet. Nearly 40-50% of couples in modern relationships first meet online these days, particularly through dating apps or various websites. This has made connections that start virtually the most common way couples meet today, surpassing introductions through friends, work, or social gatherings.

In a world where digital connections often spark deep bonds, it’s easy to feel like you already know someone before actually meeting them face to face. But whether you’re hopping on a plane to meet up with your long-distance love or simply driving across town to meet a close virtual friend or potential love interest in real life, it’s important to balance your excitement with realistic expectations. 

Here’s how to navigate the emotional highs and potential dangers or red flags of turning a virtual connection into an in-person reality.

Managing Expectations When You Travel to Meet Someone IRL After Building a Virtual Connection

The Risk of False Expectations 

While it may be fun to craft an online profile, whether it’s for social media or a dating app, these profiles don’t necessarily provide real insight into our personalities or our daily lives. There’s only so much you can learn about a person from stalking their online profiles or chatting with someone online. 

Common but not terribly realistic expectations associated with online dating often include the thought of you meeting the love of your life online, anticipating that serious or deep conversations you share before actually meeting will translate to or lead to a long-term relationship when you do meet in person. 

Searching for a partner online also gives the false impression that you have plenty of options out there  to select from which makes you feel like you can be quite picky or selective in terms of finding someone that ticks all your boxes. 

When you finally meet IRL, you may find that expectations about their appearance, body language, mannerisms, etc., fall short of reality. Yes, you may be able to get a general idea of someone’s looks, interests, and personality online, but in terms of online profiles, these are often edited or carefully curated to showcase a person’s best sides or most successful or impressive moments. 

Even video chatting with someone online can allow both sides to control their settings far more than in person, allowing you to put on your best behavior or prepare yourself in terms of looking your best. Meeting in real life is far more vulnerable in the sense that many things become less in your control. 

For example, meeting up in person means having to potentially deal with things like weather which can impact your physical looks in terms of wind messing up your hair or rain ruining your outfit. Interactions with other people besides your love interest such as in a restaurant or bar,  or general situations that arise on a physical date, can bring out reactions or emotions that can otherwise be suppressed more easily when in the controlled environment of your home as your sitting at a computer or on your phone chatting with someone online. 

Physical attraction is undeniably important, but that focus can result in superficial judgments and overlooking compatibility. To really know someone and see if they are a good match, you need to see who they are in the real world, which will give you a better idea of what you can expect the reality of day-to-day life would be like with that person. 

Dating Can Be Purely Virtual Up to a Point

The likelihood of unrealistic expectations would theoretically be even higher with virtual reality dating, which exists entirely in a virtual setting. VR dating is not rooted in a physical location and typically involves people interacting through virtual avatars that may or may not be connected to how they actually look in real life.  

Interacting through avatars is neither a new concept nor is it necessarily a recipe for disaster by any means. Those who play MMORPGs or VRChat and other virtual reality-based games would be the first ones to defend such an idea that you can meet someone incredible in this way.  

Quite a few people have tied the knot after meeting through World of Warcraft, and many more have met significant others or best friends meeting through similar encounters. A Statista survey revealed that 82% of US gamers agreed playing games could help people make friends which could grow into something more serious over time. In another survey, 42% of gamers admitted having met their significant other or spouse or made a close friend through video games.

VR dating platforms may opt to ban actual photos of users from their virtual environments in favor of personalized avatars. Other than that, the concept is the same; users specify age, gender, and the qualities they’re seeking in a partner.

Be Open to Different Interactions

Virtual connections often feel intense because conversations can be deeply personal without the distractions of everyday life, and there is a sense of security being able to speak from the comfort of your home. Online encounters also allow you to prepare for conversions and have more control over how or when they take place, and again without the potential for as many distractions you may face in the real world. 

However, online chemistry doesn’t always translate to in-person attraction. Be open to differences in how someone expresses emotions in a face-to-face setting. People pick up tons of information about each other within milliseconds. For example, prospective partners are twice as likely to rate postures with open arms as attractive. 

Be Tactful but Honest

Before meeting up with someone for the first time, don’t be afraid to discuss expectations about accommodations, time spent together, and any personal boundaries. This ensures both parties are on the same page and prevents misunderstandings. If something feels off, express your feelings tactfully but clearly. Communication is one of the top three factors in a healthy relationship, according to US singles, with the others being trust and mutual respect.

Having already been in a long-distance relationship with the person helps, as 55% of Americans in such relationships report feeling closer to their partner despite the physical distance preceding the first meeting IRL. As much as 81% of people in long-distance relationships find that seeing the person face to face becomes more special as these occasions are rare, so stay positive. 

Safety is a Priority 

 

 

Positivity aside, do inform a friend or family member about your travel plans. Share your location and ensure you have a way to leave if needed. Having a backup plan like a separate hotel booking, or at least the knowledge that alternative accommodation is available and an option, can provide peace of mind in case things don’t go as planned.

Often, the connection will be just as amazing in person as it was online. Other times, it might feel drastically different. Each virtual relationship is unique and sadly not all will transition smoothly into real life. That doesn’t diminish the value of the connection you built online, rather it’s important to remember that an initial connection that begins online is just a starting point or introduction to someone and not a guarantee that things will develop into something more serious. 

It’s therefore important to not get too heavily invested in someone you meet online until you actually take the next step of meeting them in real life to ensure their virtual self matches the idea or expectations you have for them in the real world.